


The Light at the End of the Tunnel

by Seems



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Post-Canon, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-20 17:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4795838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seems/pseuds/Seems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU - Josh makes it out of the mines with a lot of help from Chris. But how is he going to make it through the following year?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to see Josh get out of that mine in one, non-wendigo piece. Let's see where it goes!

 

 

Josh came to, his face stinging. They’d disappeared. Beth, Hannah, the pig, the gore.

“Josh!” Mike was standing right in front of him.

“M-Mike.”

“Josh! Hey man…”

“Don’t h-hit me, please,” he said, still feeling like he was waking up from a dream.

“You were deep in it, man. Full mental jacket,” said Mike, not sounding that bothered. After the voices he’d been hearing, this one sounded reassuringly real. But how could he be sure? Was there someone else whispering in his ear? His eyes slid from Mike’s face to Sam’s face.

“We didn’t think we’d get you back, Josh,” Sam was saying, “Hannah was down here for -”

“Josh. We’re gonna get you out of here. Do you have the key to the cable car?”

“Uh? Y-yeah…here.” Josh took the key out of his pocket and handed it to Sam. It was difficult to follow what they were saying.

“- I can go back to tell the others we’re okay.”

“Alright, let’s go, you fucked up son of a bitch….”

Then he was following Mike, stumbling through the mines, and trying not to let the shapes at the edge of his vision distract him. What had Dr. Hill said to do when he was hallucinating? Deep breaths. Tell yourself it’s okay.

“Okay, okay,” he whispered under his breath, trying to keep up. It was like every time he blinked, Mike was a little further ahead.

They slipped into cold water and started to make their way across the shallow pond.

Then he blinked, and Mike was gone.

 _I knew he wasn’t real_ , thought Josh, and stopped in his tracks. Then there was a splash and he was lifted out of the water. He looked down into cold, milky blue eyes and started thrashing.

“No! You’re not real! No you’re not!” But what had Sam said about Hannah? That tattoo…

“…Hannah!” He saw the long fangs, the pale, partially rotted flesh, _and when had Hannah gotten so much taller than him…?_

Then he was being dragged away from safety. He heard himself scream.

\--

It occurred to Josh later, laying on his back and staring up at that same cavernous ceiling, that the cable car key had actually been his last lifeline. Because, he’d thought he was alone before, but he’d actually been keeping them on the mountain with him. But he’d given away the key so easily. They were probably halfway down the mountain by now, glad to be away from their crazy friend. How much time had passed? They were probably out of the state by now. Maybe they were…back in class right now.

Josh started to laugh, thinking about Emily in her freshman class, explaining what she’d been up to over break. Four-point-oh, bitches. The noise echoed off of the walls. Then he started to cry. Other Joshes sniffled back at him from the depths of the mines.

“It’s all about you, Josh,” he whispered to himself. He’d thought he’d seen Hannah again, this time, in the form of a monster. But he knew he’d wandered back here himself, again, kept prisoner by his own hallucinations. And now how was he going to get out of here? It was like a sick nightmare, a punishment designed just for him, by him. Only he and Dr. Hill knew that the worst thing he could do to himself was be alone, here, in the dark.

“Dr. Hill…what should I do?” he asked himself. No one responded. Sometimes, over the past year, when the therapy had been helping, he used to think about what Dr. Hill would say when he was having a particularly hard time. But lately, more often than not, his psychologist’s advice would be drowned out by other voices. _You’re worthless. You stupid, spoiled, brat. You don’t deserve any of your friends. Because of what you did. Look at what you did. Look what you did to us. You’re a coward. You’re a coward. Look what you – ”_

“Shut up, shut up. Get a hold of yourself. Okay, man. Okay.” Josh forced himself to think about what was real, take stock of his surroundings. Okay, one, he was freezing. Two, his giant costume overalls were drenched. Three, there was a light coming from above. There was the wall that Sam had climbed. Josh had always been athletic. If he concentrated, he could make it. Then his eyes slid over to the figure suspended above his head.

\--

The lodge was engulfed in flames. Chris could hear the drone of helicopters overhead. The sun was starting to really clear the horizon, finally bathing the snowy landscape in a cool but reassuring light.

Chris looked over at his battered group of friends.

Matt and Jessica were huddled over by some rocks, looking shell-shocked. Ashley was waving at the approaching helicopters, up on her toes, as if that would help them see her instead of the flaming lodge. Emily was talking to herself. “I never, EVER, ever want to see a freaking mountain ever again. Beach vacations only in the future. Flat – no – hills – ”

Ashley turned to him and gave him a tight hug, burying her face in his chest.

“We’re finally safe, Chris,” she said, sniffling a little bit.

“Yeah…” he said. But then he gently pried her arms from around his waist. “Well. Technically…we’re not all safe.” Chris looked over at Sam and Mike, standing nearby. Sam shook her head.

“Chris…Mike _saw_ Josh get dragged away by the wendigo. It’s too late.”

“Yeah, man,” Mike said, “I’m sorry bro. I actually am.”

Chris shook his head.

“But you didn’t actually see him…get eaten, though. How do you guys know for sure?”

“Chris, listen to yourself!” Ashley, jumped in. “He’s dead. Josh is dead. And besides – he brought us up here in the first place. He did this. This – all of this – is his fault. And. And you already tried to save him once. You already tried.” The words were tumbling out of her at a frenzied pace.

“Hey. Ash. I know you just don’t want me to get hurt,” Chris said, thinking about that kiss, before he went out the first time. “But we already left Hannah in there once. Sam, you said you thought she was trapped down there for _weeks_. Em, you saw. I’m not gonna be responsible for that happening again. Not to Josh, too.”

No one said anything.

“I’ll be careful. Just don’t let the rescue people leave without me.” Chris paused, trying to think of a joke to lighten the mood, but nothing came to him.

“Dude,” said Mike, shaking his head. Chris nodded at him.

“Bro…”

\--

Josh stared up at the swaying feet above his head. He’d been thinking of doing something, before. But now he could only stare at that body, suspended overhead, thinking about how suddenly hungry he was. Things had gotten scary again for a while, but then Hannah and Beth had visited, and it had been comforting. “We survived,” they’d told him, “We’re okay, Josh. We’ll show you how to survive, too.”

When had he last eaten?

\--

Chris clung to the rock, trying to look over his shoulder without losing his grip. He’d been inching down this rock wall for what felt like an eternity, and he wasn’t sure if he was making much progress. He’d come sort of prepared, this time. Mike had given him a lighter, and he’d ripped up some of Ashley’s extra sweater to use as fuel, if necessary. And he had Sam’s headlamp, so he could see, but only if his head was pointed in the right direction, and that was surprisingly hard to do.

“Don’t look down, Chris,” he said, finding another supposedly solid foothold and easing down another foot or so. He let go with one hang, groping around for another good handhold. Then a couple of pebbles came loose and his sweaty palm slid off the damp rocks, and he flailed around, trying to grab at anything and failing. He fell, trying to twist around so he at least wouldn’t fall headfirst -

Oh. He landed in a heap, but he’d only been a few feet from the ground. 

“Guess I’m better at climbing than I thought,” said Chris, getting up and dusting himself off. He turned away from the rock face and squinted into the darkness. The light from his headlamp swung wildly back and forth as he nervously looked around, hoping there weren’t any of those creatures laying in wait for him here. He reached up and switched off the headlamp, hoping it would help his eyes adjust faster. Fuck, what was that on the ceiling? Was that a body?

Chris started to wonder if he’d made a mistake, coming down here. It was easy to be brave when the sun was rising and rescue helicopters were feet away, but down here…? Then he froze.

“Why are you doing this. WHY are you DOING this?”

Well, that was Josh. No doubt about it.

“Hey, Josh? Man…” Chris tried calling out, medium volume. He didn’t want to call every living or dead creature in this mine to him, just Josh.

“You’re dead…you’re dead…please…” Chris followed the voice and found Josh standing in the far end of the room, swaying on his feet. He switched on his headlamp again, illuminating his friend’s face when he was close enough.

“Hey, man,” Chris said. Josh was staring at him, but also staring through him, and the effect was more than a little freaky. His face was bruised and scratched and a couple of places, and his hair was disheveled and wet, and a little frozen in places.

“Oh hey…Chris. Hey,” Josh’s eyes focused on him.  Josh reached out towards him, but kind of like a blind person, or someone who was black out drunk, his arm sort of waving around. Chris grabbed his forearm out of the air, holding on to it.

“Josh, are you okay?”

“Sorry…just making sure you’re real. Okay…okay,” Josh said, exhaling.

Chris stared at Josh. This was even worse than the shed, which he’d already assumed was the worst. At least that Josh had been talking, pressing his buttons, making jokes. This Josh looked awful. He was whispering to himself, and his eyes were red and puffy, and scared. He looked like a little kid who’d seen way, way, too much.

“Alright, man. We have a plan. I mean, I have a plan.” Chris decided to press forward. The faster they could get out of here, the better. “They – the rescue people came for us. We just have to get out of these mines. Then we can go home.”

“Hey. Chris. Chris. I. Am. Sorry,” Josh said, much too slowly.

“I know, it’s okay. Come on, let’s go. We can go out through the tunnels and we’ll come out in the sanatorium, that’s where everyone will be waiting for us.” Chris tried walking towards the next room, but Josh wasn’t moving.

“Josh. C’mon, man.” He circled back, and grabbed Josh’s hand. He waited for Josh to make a joke, or laugh at him. But he just stood there, eyes shifting from spot to spot on the ceiling or the wall.

Chris took a deep breath. “Okay. It’ll be just like when we were kids. And besides, it’s scary down here. Let’s just get out of here, even if we have to hold hands the whole way. It’ll be just like…crossing the street. Like crossing a really long and super scary street.” Chris started walking forward, and this time Josh came along with him. He gripped his friend’s hand firmly as they made their way through the dark cavern together.

“Okay. Okaaay. Josh. Okay,” Josh was whispering to himself.

“You’re creeping me out a little, bro.”

“…sorry, man.”

They made their way through the labyrinth of rooms slowly. The plan was to follow Sam and Mike’s directions and make their way through the water, hopefully without incident this time. Then, it would just a short walk through the tunnels to come out through that grate, where his friend’s would have directed the rescuers to wait for them. A bunch of those wendigos had definitely gone out in the fire, so Chris was hoping that there wouldn’t be anything left in the mines besides creepy vibes and a bunch of bad memories.

They got to the edge of the pool. Chris gripped Josh’s hand a little tighter, and looked over his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go first, and you’re gonna be right behind me, okay? Don’t let go of my hand.”

Chris braced himself and slipped into the freezing water, then turned and made sure Josh did the same. He’d sort of expected him to freak out, knowing what happened last time he was here with Mike, but he just had this weird look on his face, like he was somewhere else. They stuck to the shallow edges and then pulled themselves out.

“Okay. Let’s keep going,” said Chris. Josh said nothing, and Chris pressed on, listening to the scraping footfalls behind him.

“Hey Josh,” said Josh.

Chris paused. They were close to a metal door, and he thought this could be the entrance to the last tunnel that would get them to the sanatorium. They were so close.

“Hey man, I’m Chris. You’re Josh,” he said, looking back and his friend. He wondered if Josh was ever going to be the way he remembered him again, or if this was it for him. Did he even know where he was right now? Or who he was?

“…I h-have a baa-aad feeling about this…”

Fuck, what was that noise? Josh wrenched his arm free and doubled over, letting out a low groan.

“Not right now!” Chris said, grabbing at him. Should they run or stand still? There was a wendigo across the pond, scuttling from one ledge to another, getting ready to attack. He made a split second decision.

“Let’s go!” He finally got a hold of Josh and dragged him the half meter distance to the door, throwing him in and then running in himself and then slamming it behind them and swinging the latch closed. The creature threw itself against the door from the other side a moment later. It held, but Chris looked around. This was a tiny room, and not the entrance to the next area of the mines. There was a desk and an overturned chair and some papers. Some kind of miner’s office?

Chris got himself behind the desk and shoved it in front of the door, barricading it. Then he collapsed in front of it, panting. When was this nightmare going to be over?

Chris took the headlamp off and stuck it on top of the desk, so that it kind of lit up the room. Josh was standing in the middle of the room, flinching every time the door clanged with impact.

“Dude. It’s gonna be okay. Let’s just…regroup for a second. We’re gonna figure something out. Get that thing to go away or something. You hearing me?”

Josh’s eyes flickered over to him.

“…What?”

“I’m saying, we’ll just wait here for a second and then we’ll figure out how to kill it. It’s probably the only one left, and I have a lighter, so…”

“Kill it?” Josh repeated. Then it clicked.

“Oh, shit,” said Chris. Josh had spent pretty much the entire night either pranking them, or tied up in a shed, or trapped in the mines. He was obviously struggling with…something. But no one had told him about the curse on the mountain, the evil sprits, or the wendigos.

“You must think you’re like…losing it. I mean, maybe you are,” Chris kicked himself for this last part. He always managed to say the wrong thing under pressure. He decided to go on. “There are _actual_ , legit demons in here. In the mines. Well, wendigos. On the mountain. The mountain is cursed!” He waved his arms around as he tried to explain.

“…Okay…”

“Sorry, I’m not doing a good job explaining. What I’m saying is, I know…Ash and I found out about you going to the hospital last year. And I know you stopped taking your meds. So I get that you’re having…a hard time. But what I’m saying is, this place is _actually_ fucked up. There are monsters. We met this guy – he’s been here the whole time, he’s been hunting them – and one of them got him. Then it took his body here! So I’m saying, this isn’t your fault. And what happened to Beth and Hannah, too. That wasn’t your fault. It was the monsters!”

Chris paused. Josh was staring at him, and unreadable expression on his face.

“I…don’t believe you.” Josh said, his voice a barely audible whisper. “Sometimes…I sometimes see things that aren’t there. They’re not real. They’re _not_.”

Okay, maybe now wasn’t the time.

“Okay, whatever. Let’s just focus on surviving for now. Just please believe me when I tell you I’m here, and I’m not lying to you, and we’re gonna get out of these freaking mines in one piece.”

Chris got up and crossed the room, desperate to do at least something productive while they waited.

“These are totally soaked,” he said, patting Josh’s psycho killer overalls. “Let’s consolidate. Can you take these off?”

Chris took stock of his own situation. His jeans were wet, thanks to their trek through the water. But he’d managed to keep everything above the waist dry. And he was wearing a t-shirt, a flannel shirt, and his jacket. Josh was either damp or sopping wet from head to toe, probably from being dragged back and forth through the snow and the mines all night.

Josh started fumbling with the clasps of the shoulder straps, but wasn’t making much progress. Chris moved his hands out of the way and started to undo them himself, bracing himself for a joke – something about getting his clothes off before dinner or getting into the bone zone with the wrong person or – anything. But once again, Josh just stood there.

Chris finished unhooking the shoulder straps and then realized he’d have to remove the tool belt too, before he could get Josh out of the overalls. He started to work on it, feeling around for the buckle. He was just about to make a joke about how awkward this was when Josh leaned forward, resting his forehead in the crook of Chris’ shoulder.

“I’m…so…sorry,” he said.

Chris paused. He wasn’t good at this, especially when it came to Josh. Since the third grade, their relationship had been based eighty percent on joking around and eighteen percent on annoying the shit out of each other and maybe two percent about seriousness. They never talked about anything remotely serious, and Josh obviously hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him about any of this.

“I…I know, man. It’s okay.” Then he impulsively wrapped his arms around his friend. Had they ever hugged like this? Even after Beth and Hannah had disappeared, even when the Washingtons had finally given up and organized a funeral, Josh had brushed it off. “ _I don’t want to talk about that, man. Let’s just play Halo.” “Don’t worry, I just need to work through it on my own. Want to hang out tomorrow?”_ Chris had believed him, or maybe he’d just wanted to believe him, because it was easier. This felt weird, but if he was totally honest with himself, this was making him feel a little better, too.

Chris cleared his throat.

“Okay, just hang on. We’re in the home stretch.”

Chris stepped back and finished undoing the buckle. He took the tool belt and put it on the desk behind him. Then he helped Josh out of the overalls. He was wearing sodden sweats and and oversized button down.

“Nothing we can do about the sweats, since my pants are wet too, but at least we can split layers,” Chris said. He unbuttoned Josh’s shirt carefully.

“Geez. Remind me never to piss Ashley off,” he said, noting the stab wound from the scissors. He took off his own coat and flannel shirt and helped Josh into them. He was left in his fleece and undershirt. If they didn’t make it out of here tonight, they’d both freeze to death, but hopefully this would at least buy them a little more time to figure things out.

“T-thanks, man,” said Josh. He almost sounded like his normal self. Almost.

“No problem,” said Chris. He grabbed the tool belt and started looking through it, hoping to find something useful. Score. A small can of spray deodorant.

He looked over at the door. As long as he could get the lighter to work on his first try…

“A lighter…spray deodorant. Sound familiar?” He said. He shoved the desk out of the way. It made a loud screech against the floor, which caused the wendigo outside to start throwing itself against the door with renewed vigor.

“Josh, I need you to do one thing for me.” He turned to his friend, grabbing him by the shoulders and speaking loudly and clearly. “Okay? If - if this doesn't work, I need you to close the door. Whether I'm in there with you or not. Okay? I'm gonna try to get it.”

Josh didn't say anything. Chris took a deep breath. Now or never.

“Okay, on three. One – two – THREE!” Chris shoved the door open and flicked the lighter on.

The creature wailed, the unearthly noise echoing loudly throughout the caverns as it was enveloped in flames. There was a warm rush as the wendigo’s spirit flew out of it, and then Chris let go of the lighter and grabbed Josh’s arm again, partially out of relief and partially to make sure his friend didn’t run away or something.

Were those voices?

“Chris!” From behind the scorched remains of the monster came some of his friends, followed closely by rangers. 

“Is that them?”

“It’s them!”

Chris let go of Josh’s arm as Ashley ran towards him. He scooped her up in his arms.

“We made it. We all made it.”


	2. Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is back in town a few months after the events on the mountain. Now he has to work on repairing his relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fixed some typos in chapter 1. Hopefully, not too many here!

Dr. Hill leaned back in his chair, the leather creaking under his weight. He laced his fingers together and watched Josh from across the desk.

“So, Josh, tell me. How are you feeling now?”

Josh shifted a little in his chair.

“Okay, I guess?”

“We were all very worried for you, Josh. But, I must say, I’m glad you finally decided to try electroconvulsive therapy. I know you felt it was a last resort, but the treatments seem to have contributed positively to your recovery already. In my opinion, it would have been better to try it much sooner. Perhaps, we could have avoided the events of the last few months, had we done that…but we will, of course, have to continue to monitor.”

“Yeah,” said Josh, “I think so. But…”

“The memory loss, of course. A common side effect. You’ll find that over time, many of your memories will return – and,” he waved his hand in a sort of dismissive way, “Even if they do not – your mental health is paramount. Why don’t we start with what you remember since, say – December?”

“Yeah.” Josh paused, thinking. It was like wading through molasses, trying to recall anything clear from that period of time. “I made that plan - that I emailed you about - to prank my friends. I remember that really clearly. It took a lot of work – like a month of going back and forth from the mountain, to town, to get stuff, doing drawings, building…stuff. I know…I know I did some really crazy, messed up things to them. But once everyone actually got to the mountain – that’s where it get’s really patchy.” Josh paused again, straining to remember, “And I keep remembering things that I know can’t be possible. I feel like I saw Hannah again. I know I was…I was seeing my sisters a lot around that time, you know, hallucinating. But my brain is like, sure that I saw Hannah, but whenever I try to picture it, I just see this tall, white figure. It…it doesn’t make any _sense_.”

Dr. Hill held up a hand.

“That’s fine, for now. Of course, you must know you that you did not see Hannah, in any respect other than a hallucination. Your mind may be attempting to fill in the gaps and implanting false memories as a result. Perhaps you dreamed something similar once, and now you’re conflating that dream with reality. The best thing you can do is use logic to decide whether something is really the truth.”

Josh nodded.

“Let’s spend a little bit of time for your reasons for returning to Blackwood Pines, and your… _game_. I must say, your email gave me quite a shock. But I don’t believe you truly thought it would help you overcome your grief and gain closure. Do you agree?”

“I don’t…I can’t remember,” Josh said. He rested his head in his hands briefly. That wasn’t strictly true. He remembered being angry, and wanting to hurt his friends, of course, the way they’d hurt him when they’d driven his sisters into the woods. And he had thought, in a way, that this could help close the chapter, so to speak. But there was also something else…

“Let’s try something else, then. Why don’t you tell me…what worries you most, now. In terms of your recovery?”

“I guess it’s that…I don’t get how I’m going to come back from what happened. I mean, my friends – Chris, Sam, Ash – what I did to them was really, really wrong. But also, they saw me at my worst. I’m usually really good at…pretending to be normal in front of other people. But, underneath, I’m crazy. I’m all messed up. I know that. And now – I don’t know. I haven’t even heard from anyone since that night. I don’t even know…where to start.”

Dr. Hill shook his head. 

“Josh. I think you’ll find that many people suffer from depression, and it does not mean that you are abnormal _,_ or _crazy_. As for your friends – my advice is to reach out. Of course, some of what they say may be difficult to hear, but this will be an important step for your mental growth. Remember that they saved you from a dangerous psychopath. They care about you, and you certainly owe it to them to try and salvage what you can.”

The clock struck two, loudly.

“I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today. I’ll see you again next week, Josh.”

Josh stood, and turned to leave, thinking about how these appointments always seemed to pass so quickly.

“Oh. One more thing. Here. A copy of the police report. I think this may help you to distinguish your memories…from reality. Study it. We’ll discuss next time.”

 

It was snowing lightly outside. Josh crossed the parking lot quickly, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his puffy vest. It’d been almost two full months since the events on the mountain, but it was still below freezing most days.

Josh unlocked his car and switched on the heater. He opened the file that Dr. Hill had given him, it’s front cover dotted with melting snowflakes. He leafed through the pages quickly, skimming. Inside was a lot of what was already familiar to him based on what his doctors and visiting police officers had told him. Eight teens, found in various locations in Blackwood Pines. His parents’ lodge, in flames. Police suspected it was the work of a lone man, who had been stalking the Washington family for years, suspected involvement in the disappearance of Hannah and Beth. They’d found his hideout in the old sanatorium, with fuel canisters, masks, flamethrower equipment…Josh and Chris had been found in the mines just after dawn, next to a smoldering pile of debris. Then he read and reread the description of himself carefully.

_Joshua Washington, white male, approx. 20 yrs. Appeared to be mentally disturbed, physically injured. Unable to respond coherently to police questioning regarding incident. Recommended immediate transfer to local hospital. Possible involuntary mental health detention required._

He closed his eyes, thinking about what Dr. Hill had said. _Salvage what you can_. He hadn’t heard from any of his friends since that night. Of course, he’d lost his phone in the lodge, and he’d been an inpatient at Oceanview for almost the entire period of time that had passed since then, so it wouldn’t have been that easy to reach out, but still... there was always email, or, the internet in general.

He reached for his phone. “Can’t put this off forever…”

 -- 

“Oh no! No no no I’m gonna die!” Ashley screamed, kicking her legs out in frustration.

“Suck it! Game over for YOU!” said Chris, triumphantly, mashing the X button. They put the controllers down. Chris stretched his arms behind his head, and then stuck his fists in the air.

“Really Chris? ‘Suck it’?” Ash hit him lightly on the shoulder.

“Sorry, Ash,” he said, then grinned, “But I win again!”

“Okay, okay. Best…fourteen out of fifteen?” Ashley said, picking up her controller.

“Hold on…” Chris dug around in his pocket and fished out his phone, which was vibrating. Unknown number.

“Not the phone _again_ , Chris. Who is it?”

“I dunno, don’t recognize the number…hang on a sec.” Chris got up, detangling himself from her. Then he answered the phone, heart beating, for some reason. “Hello?”

The voice at the other end of the line was unmistakable.

“Hey, Chris. I – it’s Josh.”

“Yeah, man. I know.” Chris left the room and shut the door behind him, standing out in the hallway of his dorm.

“Uhh…”

“Hello?” said Chris, after a short silence.

“Sorry, man…I know this is... I, uh, just got back into town and – I just wanted to…apologize. For what happened. I mean, for what I did. And see how…see how you were doing. So – ”

“Josh…”

Chris pulled the phone away from his ear. His thumb hovered over the touchscreen. _He’s fine_. _So just hang up_. It’d been two months. That night had been one of the worst of his life, and he hadn’t really started to feel normal again, except for little periods of time, when he’d been able to forget, kind of like just now, with Ashley. When he and Josh had been down in the mines together, it’d seemed so simple. Save Josh. Get everyone out in one piece. Get out into the sunlight, and everything will be okay. But now…

He’d vacillated between blaming Josh for bringing them up to that creepy fucking haunted mountain in the first place, for trying to hurt them, and missing his best friend. And then there was the guilt – for not being there after Hannah and Beth disappeared, at least not enough that Josh would have trusted him enough to tell him what he was going through, or to warn him about his plans, or to not need to make those plans in the first place.

“…Hello?” the tinny voice at the other end of the line sounded distant, hesitant. Chris thought about when he’d last seen Josh. Down in the mines. Unable to escape without his help. Scared, alone. He put the phone back against his ear.

“Fuck. Dude, you want to meet up? Really quick though, I’m…uh…busy.”

“Yeah, okay. I mean, sure.”

“Okay. I’ll text you.” Chris hung up quickly. He took a deep breath. Then he opened the door to his room again. Ash was standing there, waiting for him.

“Chris…?”

“Yeah?” He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head.

“That was Josh, wasn’t it?”

He briefly considered lying, and then caught himself. Honestly was definitely the way to go. He’d learned at least that much at Blackwood Pines.

“Yeah. It was. He said…he said he’s back in town. He said he wanted to apologize.”

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking of going to see him?” Ash held the game controller limply in one hand.

“I mean…why not?”

“Chris. I don’t know. I just feel like…we were finally making progress. We were finally having fun again! Like, when is that last time we actually forgot about everything and just had fun? But of course, the _minute_ we start to enjoy ourselves, guess who pops back up?”

“Yeah, Ash. I remember. I guess I just…felt like I needed to…I dunno, Ash.” He reached for her hands. She batted him away.

“I’m not going to ask you not to see him. I get that you’re…your own person. I’m just saying, you should _think_ about what you’re doing."

“Ash, come on. I’m not going to be his friend again. I’m just gonna go see…see that he’s fine for myself. We were best friends for like, ten years. It’ll be like… closure. Yeah. Closure. I’m going to tell him I can’t see him anymore. Otherwise…there’s no way I’ll be able to move on.” He grabbed at her hand again, catching it this time. Then he slowly pried her fingers away from the controller, flattening them against the palm of his hand.

“Wow. Pretty tight grip you have there.”

Ashley laughed despite herself, and swatted at him.

“Chris!”

\--

Chris didn’t know what he’d been expecting. Josh from the mines? A trembling, rambling shell of his former self? A psychopath dressed in a clown costume?

But it was just his best friend, dressed in a blue button down and scuffed jeans, hands stuffed in the pockets of a down jacket. Maybe he looked a little more tired than he used to, but there was that same easy grin.

“Hey,” said Josh, raising a hand in greeting.

“Hey, man,” said Chris. They’d met in the park that was in between the Washington’s house and Chris’ parents’ house. When they were growing up, they’d run back and forth across that park almost every day, collecting bugs, bringing sleeping bags to each other’s houses so they could go ‘camping’ in the backyard, and trying to see who could make it across the half-mile expanse without once being spotted by a passerby or a parent. When they’d gotten older, they’d used it to smoke weed in that spot behind the bushes that no one could ever seem to see into, or to sober up after parties so that Chris’ mom, who always stayed awake until he got home, wouldn’t yell at him.

“So…” said Josh, shifting a little bit on his feet, “You’re only here for five minutes, right?”

“Yeah,” Chris said. He’d told Josh that he was headed to a late night lab make-up session in the other campus, in order to give himself an excuse to leave.

“Well. I guess I just wanted to say…how sorry I am. About what I did. And I also wanted to see if you were okay. I know I ended up putting you guys in a lot of danger, and it was totally my fault. Completely my fault. Also…the police report said you basically had to drag me out of there. So also…you saved my life.”

Chris shoved his hands in his pockets, mirroring Josh.

“Hey man, it’s okay,” he said, not sure if he meant it, “That prank was definitely fucked up, but I mean, I did find out that basically, I _am_ Indiana Jones.”

Josh laughed. It sounded a little forced. “Yeah, man. Anyway, I’ll let you get to class. Thanks for meeting up with me. I guess…see you around?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” said Chris.

“Alright, later.”

\--

Josh walked across the soggy park. The snow had turned into rain a little while ago, and it wasn’t helping him feel better. Sure, Chris had agreed to see him, but that…hadn’t felt like them. That felt…really shitty. He’d sent out a couple of texts to the others earlier in the afternoon, and hadn’t gotten the most promising responses back – well, actually, he’d gotten no responses, except for a succinct “fuck off” from Mike.

He got into his car, turned the key.

“Josh!” It was Chris, thumping on the window, startling him.

“Jesus, dude,” Josh said, rolling the window down.

“Sorry. But I was thinking. Do you have like…a drink?”

“Well,” Josh thought. “I mean, yeah. Pretty sure there’s still that bottle of whisky in my apartment.”

Hours later, they sat in the living room of Josh’s apartment, a nearly empty bottle of whisky teetering on the edge of the coffee table. They’d spent the last hour or so playing cards, catching up on what Chris knew about the rest of the group, and generally dancing around the subject of anything directly related to that night in the mines. It was going to come up eventually; they were just…getting there.

“Why’d you say it like that?” Chris asked, slurring his words a little.

“Huh? What?”

“You said that the police report said they’d found us in the mines. Like…that’s a weird way to say it if you were there?”

“Yeah,” Josh said, his head feeling comfortably heavy thanks to the whisky, “I went to the hospital, and I did ECT. Like, electro – ”

“Wait, what? Like, they electric shocked you? Like, that _One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest_ shit?”

“Well, I mean, it’s not exactly like that, but yeah. It can help with…depression…” Josh looked sideways at Chris, trying to gauge his reaction. He wasn’t saying anything, just listening, eyes closed, head leaned back, sinking into the couch cushions. Josh kept going. “Anyway, I mean, you saw me, I was pretty deep in, and it was like, the last thing that could work. But it fucks with your memory. So I’m trying to like, fill in the blanks…”

“You’re lucky, bro,” said Chris, his voice quiet, low. “I mean, not _lucky_ , but I to be honest, it’s been terrible, since we’ve been back. Not because of you. But I can’t sleep anymore, a lot of the time. I keep seeing – I keep seeing shit. I keep seeing that flamethrower guy’s head pop off, or like, I wake up, and I think one of them is like, here – ”

“What? Flamethrower guy? You mean the - ” Josh sat up a little.

“I – _urgh –_ feel like I’m gonna vom – ” Chris got up suddenly, scrambling to the bathroom. Josh got up too.

“Whoa,” he said, trying to steady himself against the wall, but then accidentally hitting a standing lamp instead. _Guess I overdid it_ …the lamp clattered to the ground, going out. He felt his way towards the bathroom, and found Chris sitting on the tiled floor, legs outstretched. He flicked the light on.

“ _Urgh_ , turn it back off, making me nauseous” Chris complained. Josh flicked the switch again.

“Did you throw up?”

“Nah man,” said Chris, “It passed. But everything’s spinning…”

“You should just make yourself throw up,” Josh said, kneeling down next to him.

“You know I can’t do the…finger down the throat thing…really grosses me out.”

“Yeah, I know. Here, c’mon.”

Josh helped Chris to his feet clumsily, accidentally jostling against the medicine cabinet, but otherwise managing to get them both on their feet.

“Hey, Josh,” Chris said.

“Yeah?” Josh asked.

“I’m sorry, man,”

“What’re you talking about?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t…that I wasn’t a better friend…I didn’t call you…I didn’t know what to say…”

“I’m the one who’s been a shitty friend, dude…”

“No. Like, I should’ve…” Then Chris was wrapping his arms around Josh, squeezing him gently but firmly, and pressing Josh’s face into the crook of his shoulder. Josh froze. It was quiet. He could hear the slow and steady drip of the faucet, Chris’ steady breathing, his own heartbeat. Then he relaxed, melting into the embrace, feeling warmth spreading outwards from his chest, sure, maybe partially from the whisky, but also because of _this_ , whatever this was.

“I’m just happy you’re back…and I’m sorry,” Chris was saying, next to his ear. Josh tried to formulate words, but couldn’t manage to say anything, so he just stood there. Then Chris stepped back a little unsteadily.

“Really gonna vom this time.”

\--

Josh woke up just after ten the next morning. Chris was sprawled out on the floor, wearing a borrowed pair of sweats and a tee shirt, blinking groggily, but also texting semi-furiously on his phone.

Josh got up wordlessly, heading to the bathroom. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, then came out to find Chris up, pulling his sweater over his head.

“Hey man,” said Josh.

“Dude. Ash is so pissed at me. I didn't even tell her where I was,” Chris said, now searching around for his jacket.

“Are you guys…are you guys actually together? Wait, you don’t have to tell me,” Josh said, thinking about what may have led them to finally hook up. Maybe not such a good idea to bring that up, first thing in the morning.

“Yeah. Actually…” Chris paused, jacket in hand. “Josh. I gotta head to class. But I – we’re still best friends. I mean, you’re my best friend.” His ears were turning red, like they always did when he was embarrassed.

“Uhh, yeah dude?” Josh said.

“I’m serious. I mean, I want to hang out. I can’t believe I ever thought that _wouldn't_ be a good idea. With Ash, too. Anyway, I’m…I’m glad you’re back.” He checked his phone again, “Okay, really got to go now. See you,”

Then he was gone. Josh watched him drive away, feeling…a little bit hopeful? Maybe he could do this after all…

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is still going to be more!


	3. Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me way longer than I expected! Time got away from me - sorry for the long delay!

_“Hey, Mike!”_

_“Mike! Mike! Hey, bro! Man! Where are you going? Hey, are you just gonna leave me here?”_

_“Mike! Hey, WAIT!”_

_Josh threw his weight forward frantically; nearly toppling the stool he was sitting on, but doing nothing to loosen his restraints._

_“Uuurrgrhhh,” he wriggled from side to side. They’d tied his arms, really, really tight and his muscles were burning with the effort of trying to get himself free. His heart was pounding._

_This wasn’t going exactly according to plan._

_“This is fine,” he said, balancing himself on the stool, trying to calm himself, closing his eyes and tilting his head back to rest against the wooden post. He was sweating. “This is still all going according to plan. You knew they were gonna be mad, Josh. This is all part of the plan – ”_

_But those screams – it sounded like one of the girls. Now he was alone, tied to a fucking post in the shed, and Mike had run off without even thinking about untying him._

_What was that? That noise, it didn’t sound like -_

_“…M-Mike? Is that you?”_

Josh dragged himself out of the pool, coughing and sputtering, and scrambled to his feet. He bent next to the edge for a few minutes, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. That memory had popped into his head mid-swim, and it had been so _vivid_.

He straightened and looked around, thinking that he probably looked crazy. But at seven in the morning, the pool was quiet - just him and a bunch of grandmas from the nearby senior center.

Josh padded across the concrete, leaving behind a trail of wet footprints, and grabbed his towel. He dried himself slowly, breathing deeply, trying to calm down.

It’d been a few months since he’d gotten back to town, and Josh had been _trying_. According to Dr. Hill, establishing a routine was the best way for him to get better. So Josh woke up early most mornings, and went to the gym or the pool. He’d enrolled in three classes – not a full schedule, just part time – but he was careful never to miss them. Once a week, he’d go see Dr. Hill and they’d work through whatever the topic of the day was, to varying degrees of success. He’d see Chris semi-regularly, not as much as he wanted to, but he didn’t want to smother him or anything, considering he was pretty much his only friend at the moment.

In the rest of his free time (and he had plenty) he’d sometimes…well, sometimes hit the gym again. Sometimes he’d hang out with a couple of the kids from his classes, hit up a party or two, stay out too late, and then wake up early the next morning and drag himself to the pool for a swim or go for a slow, nauseated jog.

But the memories…at first, after he’d finished his last ECT treatment, Josh had definitely wanted to remember. It had bothered him; of course, that he couldn’t remember a night that, according to the police report, had nearly killed him and his friends.

But now, every once in a while, something would come back to him.  At first, it’d just be an unpleasant sensation – he’d be sitting in class, or driving, or eating lunch, and suddenly his skin would start to crawl, he’d start to feel his heart beating in his throat, and sometimes he’d start to sweat, feeling a deep sense of unease. He’d just have to wait it out, and then eventually it would pass.

Then, after a few more weeks, the memories had started to take shape. Memories of being tied up, being cold, being alone, and most of all, being scared. Seeing Hannah and Beth’s ruined faces, right in front of him. They still rarely made any sense, but they seemed to completely take over, when he was in them. Lately, they’d been accompanied by strong feelings too – often a deep sense of anger, guilt, fear. And just now. He’d nearly drowned.

When he really thought about it, he had to admit that this wasn’t good. That what he’d been telling Dr. Hill (I’m fine, still sad about Hannah and Beth, but I’ve been sticking to the plan and I’m feeling better) wasn’t strictly true anymore.

Josh pulled his phone out from his gym bag. Dr. Hill had told him to text anytime. He’d text him, right now, to set up another appointment, sooner than Tuesday -

His phone buzzed. It was a text from Matt.

“Hey Josh. I got your message. Sorry I didn’t write back sooner. Can you meet up?”

Okay, Josh was curious. Besides Chris, and that fuck you from Mike, he hadn’t heard back from any of his friends. He hadn’t expected to hear from everyone – but Sam, definitely. Maybe Jess? But they’d been oddly silent. It had – it had kind of hurt, if he was being honest with himself.

Well, Dr. Hill could wait. Josh typed out a quick response, pulled on his shirt, and left the pool.

\--

They sat across from each other at a diner just outside of town. Matt looked…just okay. He looked healthy, but also nervous, a little shaky, eyes darting around the diner as if he was expecting something – or someone – to pop out from behind a booth and attack him.

“So…” said Josh, trying to think of what to say. He and Matt had barely spoken even before the incident, so there was no established relationship to really fall back on. They’d both ordered coffees, and Josh had ordered pancakes, mostly because he felt guilty taking up space in the diner without ordering food.

“So, like…how’ve you been?” said Matt, tapping on the side of his coffee mug with one finger.

“Uh…well, I’m okay. But I guess…I was trying to get in touch with everyone again so that I could…apologize. For what I put you guys through,” Josh said. He took a deep breath, and got ready to launch into his apology, the one he’d gone over in his head.

“For what you put us through? What are you talking about?” asked Matt, jumping in before he could speak. The tapping stopped. Josh hesitated, slightly taken aback.

“I mean, for bringing you guys back up there. To…Blackwood Pines. For that fucked up prank. Making you guys think there was a psycho…”

“Oh, the prank? Who cares about the prank?” said Matt, raising his voice a little.

“Uhh – ”

“I mean, we all fucking pranked each other, all the time. Sure, sometimes we went too far, but honestly, who out of all of us didn’t go too far, at least once? I mean, after what happened to your - anyway, what I mean is, how would you have known that the place was _haunted_? Like, doesn’t that kind of overshadow the _pranking?_ Who cares about a _prank?_ ”

Josh paused at this, unsure how to respond.

“…Haunted?”

“I mean, whatever. Haunted might be the wrong word. Possessed. Cursed. Monster – fucking – monster infested. How – what I don’t get is how everyone else treating this like it’s totally _normal_. How is everyone just…still going on about their day? Like, how are you supposed to just…go on with your life? How are you supposed to just go on with your life when you know that…those _things_ are still out there? That they’re _real?_ ”

“What…” said Josh, trying to think of the best question to ask first. _What are you talking about? What do you mean by monsters?  Who’s treating this like it’s normal?_

“Like, I just don’t get it,” Matt continued, not giving him a chance to speak, now pushing his coffee mug from side to side, sloshing a little bit onto the table, staring out the big picture window of the diner, a look of incredulity and anger in his eyes. “Em and I broke up. Obviously. But I’ve seen…I’ve seen Mike. I’ve seen him and Jess. Mike is fucking, I don’t know, telling stories like he was James Bond up there or Nathan Drake or something. Jess is, like, hero-worshipping him, like Mike singlehandedly saved the day. I saw Chris and Ashley at a party like, three weeks ago. They seem _fine._ ” Here Matt paused, let out a deep breath. “ _Everyone_ is acting like things are totally normal now. Like we just all…dodged a bullet and we’re all fine now that we’re back at home. But I feel like…I feel like my whole _world_ is different now. Like, how do we…how do you know you’re _safe_ , now? No one is even _acknowledging_ this. That police report was a _joke_.”

_Well, he’s crazier than I am_ , thought Josh. Then the waitress dropped his plate of pancakes on the table, hard, and they both jumped.

\--

About an hour later, Josh pulled out of the parking lot. He paused at the turnoff that would lead him back to town, listening to the steady click of his turn signal, thinking.

The rest of the conversation with Matt hadn’t made much more sense to him, but at the end, just after Josh had paid the bill, Matt had looked him straight in the eye and said “Hey. Josh. I’m glad you’re like…getting help. All I’m saying is that you need to find out from someone what _really_ happened to your sisters.”

And then he’d refused to say anything else.

Could Matt be playing some kind of elaborate revenge prank on him? _Wendigos?_ He’d obviously spent a lot of time on the internet, but it just seemed too bizarre to be true. And Josh had read the police report. The official story was that they’d been terrorized by a crazed man with a grudge against the Washington Family. And that was, what people suspected, what had happened to Hannah and Beth, too. But he’d seen the panicked, haunted look in Matt’s eyes. He recognized that look, because he saw it in the mirror sometimes. Josh didn’t think it was possible to fake that.

So. Monsters. It didn’t seem believable. But then Josh thought back to that one time he and Chris had talked about the night in question. Chris had mentioned something about a flamethrower guy, right before throwing up in the bathroom. And since then, he’d refused to talk about that night at all. That was unusual for Chris, who was normally the talker of the pair.  

And what did all of that have to do with Hannah and Beth? Josh felt his chest tighten a little bit, like it always did, when he thought about his sisters.

Josh looked at the digital display on his car’s dashboard. He was going to be late for class. But…he could skip one class for this. This was important. He switched off his turn signal and crossed the road instead, heading towards his parents’ house.

\--

Chris forced his eyes open. He felt cold, clammy. Another nightmare. He fumbled around for the light, heart beating, and then switched it on. He looked over at the clock next to him. Blurry numbers read 3:23 AM.

He lay there for a while, trying to get his breathing under control, sliding his glasses on and focusing on the posters decorating the walls, the pens on his desk, his laundry basket – anything normal, anything reassuringly safe and comfortable. He had the childish urge to get up and wake his parents – but then he remembered that he was in his dorm, across town, miles from home.

He dozed off for a moment, then jolted awake. It had been one of his two regular nightmares, again. Not the one about the flamethrower guy. Instead, he’d been down in the mines again, searching for Josh. But when he’d gotten that room, the one where he knew Josh would be waiting for him, things had been different. In his dream, he’d run his hands along the cavern walls as he walked, and they’d felt _slimy_. And warm, like the innards of an animal. That alone was freaky enough. But then he’d seen Josh, standing at the far end of the room, just like he’d been in real life, but in his dream, when Josh turned towards him, his face had been _ruined_ , like part of his mouth had been missing, and the _teeth_ -

Chris let out a frustrated groan, sat up and unhooked his phone from its charger. He swiped open the lock screen, hoping that looking at an app would get his mind off of whatever _that_ was and go back to sleep. But he couldn’t focus – his mind kept sliding back to the details of his dream. This was what _always_ happened.

This had been going on for waytoo long. He’d made an excuse to Ash about needing to study this week, just so she wouldn’t see him have another nightmare and then wake him up, freaking out. It wasn’t her fault – at all – but Chris had thought that maybe dealing with this alone was the best course of action. When Ash was there, he somehow always ended up comforting her instead.

He stared down at his phone for a while, watching the digital minutes pass by. Ashley had told him, worriedly, to call her if he had another nightmare. “I’ll talk you through it,” she’d said, looking steadily into his eyes. He thought about doing that, for a moment. Then, impulsively, he called Josh instead. He held the phone to his ear, waiting. No answer.

Actually, now that he thought about it, it’d been a kind of a while since he’d heard from Josh. Earlier in the month, they’d been hanging out, regularly, but in the past few weeks…Josh hadn’t really been answering his texts. Or when he did, he’d say he was too busy to hang out.

The call went to voicemail. He hung up and sent a quick text.

Chris sat there for a while, staring at his unresponsive phone. This, in combination with the nightmare, was freaking him out. After a few more minutes of internal debate, he finally gave into the urge and got up, pulling on his sweats and his favorite worn hoody over his tee shirt. Now that he’d gotten the idea in his head, he felt like he was on a mission. Find Josh. Again.

So that’s how he found himself across town, groggy, but waiting in front of Josh’s door at just after four in the morning. Even though it was mid summer, there was a little bit of a chill in the air. He waited for a minute or so. No answer.

“Fuck,” Chris said, out loud. This was so stupid. But he rang the buzzer again, pressing it down longer this time. Josh was probably asleep. He’d think Chris was insane, knocking on his door in the middle of the night, texting him and calling him like one of Josh’s heartbroken past hookups. What was he going to tell him? _I had a scary dream where you were a monster, so I had to show up at your apartment to make sure it didn’t come true._

Chris turned away from the door, staring into the inky darkness. He could just go back to his dorm – maybe, drive around for a little bit, wait until the sun came up.

“Chris?”

“Josh?” Chris asked, feeling stupidly relieved.

Josh was heading towards him, weaving a little bit as he made his way towards the apartment entrance.

“Hey man. What are you doing here?” Josh was drunk, slurring his words. Chris could just make out his face in the dark. It looked reassuringly whole.

“I – I uhh…wanted to come sleep over,” said Chris, cringing a little at how childish that sounded.

“Oh? Okay. Sure. Let me just unlock the door,” said Josh easily, as if this wasn’t surprising to him at all. He fumbled with the key, then dropped them on the paving stones and crouched down, feeling around for them in the dark.

Chris bent down and picked up the keys, then unlocked the front door, letting Josh in first. Josh smelled faintly of alcohol and chlorine.

“Thanks, man.”

“Where were you?” They made their way into the entrance hall, and up the stairs to the second floor landing, blinking in the bright fluorescent light.

“At like…some party,” Josh said casually, now waiting for Chris to unlock his front door, resting his head against the doorframe. He looked tired. “It was kind of lame. But you know…trying to get everything back…to normal…” Josh always had this way of speaking even more slowly than usual when he was drunk, or high, like he was too tired to even finish his sentences properly.

Chris opened the front door. He did know what he meant. Getting back to normal was all he’d been trying to do for the better part of six months.

“How’s that going?”

Josh went in ahead, ignoring his question, feeling his way through the dark apartment. Chris felt around for the light switch, found it, and flipped the lights on.

“I’ve gotta…find the extra sheets…” Josh fumbled around in some drawers, then apparently changed his mind. “Actually...gonna shower first. Just chill for a second, dude.” He pulled his tee shirt over his head, dropping it in a heap on the floor. Chris noted the little puckered scar near his shoulder, where Ashley had stabbed him. Last time he’d seen that, it’d been bleeding and they’d been stuck below ground, in the dark…

Chris shook his head, trying to clear the bad memory out of his mind. He headed to the bedroom, kicked off sneakers and took his hoodie off and lay down on Josh’s bed, intending to get up and move to his normal spot on the floor once Josh found the extra bedding. He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the creak of the shower turning on, and then the steady hiss of water.

He woke up hours later, feeling stiff and groggy. He hadn’t moved at all, and his back ached from laying in the same position. He pulled his glasses off and shifted around a little, trying to get comfortable. In the dark, he could just make out Josh, stretched out next to him. He listened to the steady rise and fall of Josh’s breathing.

Josh’s breath hitched. Chris turned onto his side, facing him, watching his face in the dark. He felt like he might be dreaming again. So he wanted to check, just make sure that he was still whole, that Josh was okay, that this wasn’t another bad dream. He reached out, slowly, with his free arm, and laid his hand on the side of Josh’s face. It felt cool, smooth, it was _real -_

Josh’s eyes were open.

“Chris – ”

But Chris had tilted forward, without really thinking about it, and kissed him. He pressed his lips against Josh’s, and had only a moment to second guess what he was doing before Josh had shifted closer, and he was kissing him back, slowly, his jaw working, his tongue sliding into Chris’ mouth.

They kissed each other languidly, exploring each other, nestled under Josh’s warm blankets, Josh’s hands sliding up under Chris’ shirt, cool against his skin, resting there. The room was quiet save for the soft rustling of blankets, and Chris could feel his heart beating in his throat, but it was a slow and steady thump. Maybe this was a dream again, but at least it was a really _good_ one this time.

But what the fuck were they doing? Chris tried to drag his mind out from his haze, but it was hard to focus, and then Josh shifted again, and pressed his hips against Chris’ -

\--

The next morning, Chris’ first thought was that a good night of sleep really did make all the difference. Then he sat up, and felt his entire face redden, all the way to the tips of his ears, as the rest of the night came back to him.

_Holy shit, did I really do that?_ He squinted at the blurry numbers of clock on Josh’s desk. He’d slept in until past eleven, well past the time his alarm normally went off, and past his first class, too. Now that he thought about it, he’d drowsily heard Josh leave early in the morning, but he’d kept sleeping, too comfortable to open his eyes and get up.

“Uurrgh,” Chris groaned and buried his face in his hands. What the fuck was he going to tell Ash? What was he going to say to Josh? But holy shit, Josh was a really good kisser…Chris shook his head, trying to clear his mind, running his hands through his hair.

He kicked off the blankets and got up. His hoodie was in a heap on the floor where he’d left it the night before, and he picked it up, searching through the pockets for his phone. It was tucked in the front pocket, and his heart dropped a little when he saw that he had three texts and a missed call from Ashley.

He opened the thread and read the latest message. “Did you sleep okay last night? Can’t wait till we hang out tonight :)”

He locked the phone quickly, closing the text.

Guilt. Chris felt guilty. Because even though last night had felt spur-of-the-moment, it really hadn’t been. Even though he’d thought it was what he wanted, he and Ash had never felt quite right to him.

And he’d been keeping that secret, this whole time. The one where he’d tried to point the lever at Ashley that night, where he’d chosen to save Josh. But then it’d all worked out, and Ashley hadn’t realized, and they’d both survived, anyway, so he’d told himself to just keep that to himself, and that this outcome was the _right_ one.

Now that he’d…well, now that he’d spent the better part of the night making out with Josh, he knew what felt _right_. 

Chris looked around for his glasses. He’d taken them off in the middle of the night, and they didn’t appear to be anywhere in sight.

He crouched down next to the bed, using his phone’s flashlight app, hoping to catch the glint of his glasses. Was that them, back there? Chris reached underneath the bed, and pulled out his glasses, which had gotten snagged on the coil of a spiral notebook.

Later, Chris would swear that he knew what was inside, just by holding it in his hands. He felt a chill wash over him – through his veins, like he’d been doused in ice water from the inside out.

His best friend, always weirdly meticulous when it came to note-taking, had stuck several versions of the same letter in the notebook, folded neatly and tucked in between a couple of pages. Many of the words were crossed out, and then rewritten again. Chris flipped over one of the pages and saw a bulleted list of things Josh had wanted to cover in his note, an _outline_ , for his final –

Chris’ hands shook a little as he spread the pages out, staring at the evidence in front of him. Suicide. It was the plan for the final part of the prank, the part that wouldn’t happen until several months later, the part when Josh would say goodbye, for real –

“I’m such an idiot,” Chris said, to the empty room.

It kind of clicked, in his mind. He’d wondered, many times, what Josh had been _thinking_ , with that crazy, sadistic prank. He couldn’t possibly have thought that anyone would find it funny. And how had he known that Chris would forgive him? Or that any of them would have forgiven him, eventually? If it hadn’t been for the wendigos, the real monsters on the mountain, he probably wouldn’t have made the decision to go back in the minds, wouldn’t have realized how much he cared about Josh.

But it didn’t matter. Because Josh had intended to kill himself, a few months after the prank, once Chris was distracted with Ashley and everyone else would be too angry at him to really care that much.

But he was getting help now. Wasn’t he?

Chris reread the suicide note. Then he looked at the date. It was dated for _July_. That was…that date was _today_. It was short.

At the top, Josh had crossed out several versions of the same greeting.

_“Hey friends.”_

Scratched out.

_“Dear all:”_

Below that, _“Hey guys. Just want to say don’t worry about me. This is all part of the plan. Going to be with Hannah and Beth.”_

Chris unfolded another page. This one had jumbled notes about wendigos, details about that night, and – was that a diagram of the mines? Chris was almost sure of it.

He stood up. It wasn’t too late. He had to find Josh.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter after this, I think. I really appreciate the comments!


End file.
